Its Lovee Week: My Intentional Singleness Journey

Baybeeeee's it has been a little minute or whatever. #sorry Last time we chatted it up over here on the blog was @ThePaigePatton LAUNCH on youtube! January 2nd we hit the FIRST 100 SUBSCRIBERRRSSSS! If you haven't pulled up on me no worries, I aint mad at cha. You can always subscribe after we chat about: dating. 🙂 Let me catch you up to speed-- super fast.

So whats tea? Like whats Really Tea? I'm not going to go too far back butttt...my first relationship. I was 16 and he was 15. I was so into church, drum line, gospel choir, finishing high school in the number one spot (which I did- Thank GOD) boys weren't even my hearts desire. I had already made up in my mind that I was undesirable- I was big and couldn't dress to save my life lol- I was in my own lane doing my own thing.

I joined marching band and lost SO MUCH WEIGHT dudes started coming from any and everywhere. I got caught up in this little relationship or whatever and chile was in "love." (Senior year I had this mans football number on the back of this shirt with Mrs.____ printed on the back-- I was real wild.)

At the time I was super close to my youth pastor and he asked me to bring my boyfriend to church to meet him. I knew from that moment when I had to beggg him to come to church *he never did* I already knew this couldn't be what God had for me.🙃 *Paige to Paige stop tryna drag men to church sis* #ThankYouLordForSavingMe

Fast forward to after college, I met my next partner at a work conference. Whew saw them from across the way 😍 I had to speak and my coworkers gassed me up lol. I made small talk and we never exchanged contact information. Yall, I went home researched the work email🙂. I sent a cute little email and was cuffed a month later. I was driving from North Carolina to Pennsylvania twice a month. Things were good but I ended it. #shakinggggggmyhead

I‘m going to keep my last relationship situation short and sweet: When you get in something that you know God is not in, He doesn’t circle the block and bless your mess. Things have to be built on a strong foundation. I was in a happy-ish relationship for a couple years and then held on to hope for a couple years longer. I could have been a better partner. To be honest I should have never butttttt we live and we learn and it taught me so so much. I had some really dope experiences. We laughed alot. The season ended.

After we broke up- I dyed my hair and hit them streets boyyyyyy lol. #WildTimes #RedHeadPaige I was in my bag lol and not in the good way. #Whew

All 2020 I was praying for a therapist- when I finally got one in 2021 I told my girl from jump street: We gotta process my relationship with my ex. Here we are in 2022 and I have legit talked about this relationship 2 times during therapy. I was down bad.. trust me lol but now I am up!!

This was my dating history for the past decade.. lets just say with all of that I had a situationship. That lasted off and on THE ENTIRE DECADE. Thank you Lord for freedom!!

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When I started watching Transformation Church, I was late to Relationship Goals. Pastor Mike outlined Genesis and shows how much God did for Adam before bringing our sis Eve in the picture. Adam was in a place chosen by God. He had a purpose on the Earth. God provided all that he needed. Adam had an identity and God created parameters to keep him safe-- all before Eve. Bayyyybeee when I watched it something shifted. I was looking around like God- you haven't placed me anywhere, I have no purpose that I can see yet. I couldn't even get to God's provision or my identity-- I was rushing to find the next person.

I fasted with TC for the first time in 2020-- God started working on me. In 2021 I started dating someone and it was real cute. Cash apps just because, paid for my nails, sent me money when I was in Puerto Rico, sent "I'm sorry" flowers to my job and so much more- it just was not giving what it was supposed to gave especially when I got the call every woman hates. lol A PRIVATE CALL THAT WOKE ME UP OUTTA MY SLEEP.😂 #sisyougotit

After that, I felt God saying that He needed me to be single. Yall, that was THE LAST THING I WANTED TO DO. I was discontent with so much stuff, drinking every weekend, lost and acting all types of wild. I kept feeling it so strongly, I started telling people I was entering a season of intentional singleness. I didn't even really know what that meant, I just knew God was telling me to do it. Nobody I told was happy about it--including me.🥴

As I was on this journey God kept calling me to fast. (A story for another day- check out my fasting youtube videos) I felt like I was fasting every month lol. I thank God for it because I had a conviction so strong during my fasts that I couldn't do anything sexual. During these fasts and talks with my best friend, God called me to a life of purity... Now yall just read about my dating life lol. I wouldn't have ever characterized it as pure but God called me out and.. lets just say its been a very hard ten months.

God was showing me I needed time away from the distractions of dating and focus on myself and my relationship with him. Over these ten months He sent me to a place, He's revealed parts of my purpose, the provision- yooo.. I can't even stay on this one. Day by day being in my word and in therapy I'm learning my identity in Christ. I AM IN THE THICK OF THESE PARAMETERS... Whew God is dealing with my desires in this season boy.

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Boom! Now we up to 2022! I walked into this year feeling so lit! God moved me to Tulsa and I had friends and community and I was feeling real ready for my man. Two people that didn't know me from a can of paint had prophesied over my life and told me my husband was coming. I was thinking and praying for him all day every day. So baybeeee when that ball dropped on January 1, 2022 it was back on and popping. Without asking God, I released myself from my year of intentional singleness. #mistake

Without going into detail too much- I almost ruined my purity walk hopping out of my intentional singleness too prematurely. I was feeling a whole bunch of things too too quick. I was out here tryna play my cards right and stuff was almost right— just not right at all. Ya girl came VERYYYYY CLOSE lets keep it hot. I couldn't stop thinking about God and it was really wild. Had to call on the name of Jesus- literally. After stuff got steamy I found myself feeling so much shame... shame because I KNEW what God told me and I let my flesh win. Thank God for grace and mercy.

That night I went home and couldn't sleep. I couldn't pray. I couldn't cry. I legit just felt shame. Numb. The next morning, one of my friends from TC sent me a voice memo and told me that God had it on her heart to buy my purity ring!!! *cue the tears* God was still speaking purity over me when I couldn't see it. *You have to see it before you see it* Literally because He spoke it over me, its my identity. In a world where people sleep with whoever they want to and whenever they want to- God wants different for me and so do I.

Dating in Tulsa has been interesting. “Dating”multiple people at once is a job and it ain’t my job lol. I'm going to refrain from saying what I want to. From now on I'm not considering myself dating or seeking anyone romantically until God releases me and I have that conversation with the person. Stuff gets real muddy real quick when words and actions don't line up or there is no clear aim, purpose, or goal.

So boom, this Valentine's Day weekend I went to brunch with a friend: 💛 BOMB and then I went out for sushi and poetry with another friend and my sis bought me flowers. Like I really shed a thug tear in the car. Little things like that mean so much to me. On Valentines day I had me a little photo shoot in my apartment and out in nature. I had to keep talking to God because I was communicating with humans who literally just acted like this day didn't exist.😂 #vday is literally in the top 3 holidays for meeeee. 🙄With that being said- It was exactly where God needed me.📍 He had to show me in real time that if I couldn't be content with Him- no person would ever be enough.

If you have made it this far you are the real M.V.P. To wrap all this up in a real nice bow: anything that you really really want you will wait for. I believe with everything in me God has a husband for me. At this moment I don't know how much longer I have until God allows me to date or until I meet my husband. #whewchile I am taking my eyes off of that.📍Here is Holy. I am going to enjoy being single and continue to build out this ministry. I have so much purpose and there are things God wants me to do that He hasn't even revealed yet. This is just an encouragement to be intentional. Whether you are intentionally dating or in an intentional single season- anything we do without intention really without God will never feel right. We are going to continue to keep searching and searching and everything will keep coming up flat. After a decade: I'm finally done running and I am ready for this journey.

-xoxo The Paige Patton